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Coping With Crisis
By Garv R. Collins
The
media attention on the
Crises
can be divided into at least two categories. Situational crises involve
disruptive and usually unexpected events such as a robbery, a car accident, the
sudden death of a loved one, or the discovery that your spouse is having an
affair. Developmental crises are anticipated events that occur during the
course of life. When your child goes to college, one of your parents dies, or
you retire from a meaningful job, you are experiencing something that was
expected, but is disruptive nevertheless.
Crises
are a normal part of life. Some are mild and soon forgotten; others are intense
and life-changing. Because they are disruptive, all crises require us to respond
and to make decisions. Almost always, there is emotional turmoil with
accompanying physical reactions. Fatigue, headaches, loss of appetite,
disruptions in sleep, or various psychosomatic illnesses are common. In part,
these physical effects may result from a breakdown in the body's ability to
resist disease during periods of extreme stress.
Three
Phases
When
you have a crisis you probably will notice three phases that overlap. First
comes shock. You feel stunned, have difficulty believing that the event
has really happened, maybe confused about what to do next, and sometimes
overwhelmed by emotion.
Next,
there is a phase of initial coping. Depending on the severity of the
crisis, this phase may continue for a few weeks, for several months, or longer.
The person in crisis struggles to accept and cope with the reality of what has
happened. Often there is anxiety, insecurity, insensitivity to others,
inefficiency (including a decline of work performance), and all of the emotions
that come with grieving. Decision making is important at this time, but
difficult. The person in crisis may wonder if he or she will be able to cope, to
get beyond the crisis, and to ever be happy and fulfilled again.
Eventually,
most people edge into a third phase, adjustment. The reality of the
crisis event is accepted emotionally and intellectually, anxiety tends to
lessen, new behaviors and ways of living become routine, and the person is able
to go on with life.
What
Causes Crises?
As
we go through life, each of us develops ways of coping with stress and dealing
with the unexpected. A crisis, however, is so unusual and so disruptive that we
aren't sure how to react. Normal coping methods may not work, so we feel
confused and indecisive at a time when we may have to make important decisions
that could be of lifelong significance. All of this is complicated by the
emotional trauma and physical exhaustion that accompanies every crisis.
Most
people come through crises successfully, especially if they have encouragement,
support, and help from others. It also is helpful to have a strong faith and a
belief in the sovereignty and power of God.
Problems
come when we try to cope alone, when we have nothing in which to believe and
when there is no hope for the future. In times of crisis, it is common to
withdraw—at least for a while—but some people cut off all contact with
others, refuse to face the reality of the crisis situation, and decline all
offers of help. A counselor can help when crises leave people unable to function
or when they need guidance in getting through a tough situation.
Coping
with Crises
Most
people can handle mild crises alone or with the encouragement
of a friend or family member. In the beginning, the person needs support, a
shoulder to lean on or to cry on, and someone who is willing to help with making
initial decisions. This is a time when people are very suggestible and more open
than usual to offers of help. Because of this, unethical businessmen and others
may take advantage of the crisis victim. A compassionate counselor, in contrast,
provides a more objective perspective, gives both guidance and encouragement,
but tries not to "take over." The more crisis victims can do for
themselves, the better will be the results. The helper's job is to give gentle
direction, warnings (if necessary), and encouragement so the person can return
to a pre-crisis level of functioning. Psychological and physical resistance are
both down during a crisis, and individuals should be discouraged from making
financial, career, housing, or other changes that might later be regretted.
Your
counselor, including your pastor, may try to help you with the "Why"
questions: "Why did this happen now and to me? Why didn't God stop this?
Why would this happen to a good church member?" There are no simple or easy
answers to questions like these, and sometimes all the caregiver can do is
listen. It is important for helpers to pray consistently for the person in
crisis, to give periodic reminders of the sovereignty of God, and to avoid
giving pat answers—most of which are neither satisfying nor accurate.
What
About You?
The
Christian believes that Christ gives hope and comfort in times of stress. For
centuries, people have found help and consolation in the pages of Scripture. We
benefit from the peace that comes from Christ and from the strength that he
gives. Christians also benefit from the warmth and acceptance of fellow
believers who show love but who avoid simplistic answers to difficult
"Why?" questions. In crises, we are most helped by other people who
are present, available, and praying. Least helpful are Christian caregivers
who are talkative, filled with advice, and prone to give theological
explanations.
When
you are able to talk about your feelings, including your confusion and anger,
there is less likelihood that trouble-producing bitterness will develop (Heb.
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This
article is produced by American Association of Christian Counselors. For more
information, write AACC,
